the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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