I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
