I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
