how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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