Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize