so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
