a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize