My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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