Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
