Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize