think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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