You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
