so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
