my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
