Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
