What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
