Have you finally orgasmed yet?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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