A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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