I skipped work to stalk him.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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