Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
