He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
