I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize