Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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