i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
