You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
