Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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