In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
