loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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