i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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