All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
