I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize