So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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