Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Let's paint friendship bongs
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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