So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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