this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
