I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize