yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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