They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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