Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
