A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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