apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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