I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
