I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
