Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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