Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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