Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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