Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
