does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My feet surprised me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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