It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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