this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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