I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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