Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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