I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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