I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
