yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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