I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
