so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
