I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
