I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
