I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
