I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
