What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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