11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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