Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
