she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
