my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
