At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
