The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
