yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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