am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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