Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
