lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
