Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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