Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
