Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize