Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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