Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
