My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
