i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
