i already hear my dad disowning me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
