So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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