i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
