You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
