Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
