Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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