sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
