I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize