I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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