toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im six kinds of drunk right now
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize