No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize