my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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