"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
