grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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