Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize