She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
