he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
