nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
