I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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