Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
