Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize