You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
