i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
