I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize