chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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