if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
