you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
