I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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