Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
